skip to Main Content

UPDATE 1:

So. My case was dismissed. It was dismissed because of its significant time delay, not because I was found “not guilty”. How am I supposed to think about this? How am I supposed to feel?

I know the facts behind this case. I was there. I know the full extent of both my moral guilt (I had an affair) and my legal innocence (a consensual affair between adults). So, as long as I don’t care about some sort of public vindication (and I don’t) I can be content with this outcome. But what about so many of you who were waiting to hear “not guilty” at the end of a trial? (And others of you who were waiting to hear an opposite verdict.)

First some context.

In the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, section 7 is called “Life, liberty and security of a person” and it says that these three things – life, liberty, and security – cannot be deprived unless in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice.

This “fundamental justice” includes something discussed in section 11(b), which reads: “Any person charged with an offense has the right to be tried within a reasonable time.” That “reasonable time” was defined by the Supreme Court of Canada as 18 months in provincial courts in a case called Jordan (leading to what is often called the “Jordan Rule” or the “Jordan Ceiling“).

Having spent over two years as an accused person with my name in and out of the headlines, I can tell you that there is a unique kind of hell on earth one experiences while waiting for a trial like this. Not to mention what the experience of me being falsely accused has put my family through. I understand now why timeliness in legal matters is one of the hallmarks of a free, democratic, and civilized society.

I was arrested in June of 2022. The trial was initially supposed to happen in January, 2024 (the 18 month limit for our case). When the trial was rescheduled to begin in July, with the end trial dates set for late November, we agreed that it would be appropriate within our legal system to apply for the 11(b) and let the judge decide.

I did not want to be let off “on a technicality”. On the contrary, I wanted all the truth to come out. At the same time, I also knew that a “not guilty” verdict would never settle the matter for many. Some people would continue to believe the worst (or best) about me regardless. Many minds seem already settled, after hearing only one carefully curated narrative.

Beyond talking with my lawyers, I spoke with a number of friends, mentors, and people in the legal profession who helped me understand that the right to a timely trial is a real thing, a valid thing, not a “technicality”. It is the justice system’s way of holding itself accountable and self-correcting so it can do better next time. They helped me see that applying for a dismissal in my case was completely appropriate.

By the numbers, my case was straightforward. Our trial dates were far over the 11(b) limit. Still, the crown prosecutor had the opportunity to argue that my case should be an exception because of unusual circumstances, such as the extraordinary complexity of the case and even a COVID 19 backlog that made scheduling difficult. The judge carefully enumerated every day of delay and did not agree with the crown’s reasons, so he dismissed the case. It is that straightforward.

To be granted an “11(b)” dismissal, it must be clear that the delay was caused by either the court system or the prosecution, but not the defense. This makes sense, otherwise defense attorneys could use various delay tactics to try to secure a dismissal. But our court system is smarter than that and prevents defense attorneys from abusing the system through delay tactics. So, in granting the dismissal, our judge did a meticulous review of the last two years of pre-trial hearings, reviewed arguments in favour and against the exceptionality of this case, and ruled that our defense team was not at fault for the most significant delays.

This should shut down some agenda-driven claims that my fancy lawyer pulled a fast one and manipulated the system to get a dismissal. This kind of talk suggests a peculiar determination to misunderstand and misrepresent our legal system. If someone is making this kind of claim, one might question their motivation that causes them to miss both the forest and the trees.

The timing to hear the judge’s decision was right down to the wire. He was to give his dismissal decision the day the trial was to begin. We went to court that day ready for either way forward.

Before the trial date arrived, I decided to accept whatever the judge might decide about the 11(b) as being a good thing. To proceed with the trial would give me a chance to finally tell at least some of my story, present our evidence, refute inaccuracies people have heard, and hear the words “not guilty” at the end of it all. Stories had been posted online and told to the press that were verifiably untrue, and I was looking forward to the chance to provide the evidence to counter the closely protected narrative that has been promoted to the public.

At the same time, if our judge dismissed the case, I told myself that would also be a good thing, knowing that I could begin a process of emotional and relational healing along with my family.

Because of some posts by individuals and organizations as well as some media coverage, I realize there are some half-truths and other outright falsehoods out there that seem to have now become accepted as facts about me and my past and my character. This feels too big to fight and so, at least for now, I accept that the world “out there” – those who choose to judge from a distance – will never know me. And that’s alright.

I am learning that it is more than enough to be truly known by those who have actually taken the time to journey with me – from therapists, to spiritual directors, to pastors, to family (biological and chosen), to friends old and new.

I have given up on widespread public vindication. So, I was also ready for dismissal, even if I would never get my “day in court” so to speak.

So now that the trial has been dismissed/stayed/11(b)’d, how can I help those of you who were waiting for the court system to tell you what to think about me? What can I say that might be healing for that layer of people who have been withholding judgement believing that at some point our legal system would help you make your mind up about my legal guilt or innocence?

I am truly sorry. I wish I could help. But I’m not sure what to do. I will tell some of my story, respond to questions, and share some of my own perspectives here and in other ways. If you ever want to chat in person do get in touch. But in the end, I have to let go of some personal responsibility to help everyone else figure out how to feel. I can only tell you, take it or leave it, that I am morally guilty of adultery and that is the actual factual reality that needs to be processed by me, my family, and those in the church who want to forgive. The legal charges have, frankly, been a distraction from this truth and a hindrance to healing. For that reason, I am happy to see them put behind us all.

There is still a publication ban on the identity of the complainant. I support this, yet I do wish our society also afforded the same publication ban on the identity of the accused, at least until evidence could lead to the conviction of him or her. Otherwise, innocent people’s lives can be ruined in the court of public opinion too easily. And let’s face it, public opinion is where we all have to live once we walk out the door. But that’s another topic.

In conclusion, I’m thinking about how Jesus sometimes told parables to reveal and simultaneously hide the truth. He used these symbolic stories as a kind of filter for people who were forming opinions about him. Those who wanted to know more would lean in, ask questions, and seek the truth behind the parable. While at the same time those who didn’t care to lean in and learn would end up never knowing. Jesus was secure in himself in a way that inspires me.

I will say how liberating it is to be freed from the need to convince anyone anymore about anything. Jesus knows. My family and friends know. Those who lean into my life, who take the time to ask the hard questions, confront me, rebuke me, challenge me, and encourage me too – I listen to them and they are the people I am accountable to, not those who judge from a distance. And so, I am ready to move forward in loving, accountable, and compassionate community.

My world is smaller now, and this suits me just fine.

UPDATE 2:

Another, and hopefully the last, legal update. The additional charges against me (two accounts told by one person) were dropped by the prosecution. My lawyers’ statement above says it well so I won’t add anything more to it.

I am grateful to Megan and Arash for showing me what it means to care for imperfect people in the middle of their worst time of life. These two criminal lawyers passionately believe in the value of restorative justice over punitive justice, and I say “amen” to that.

Hopefully future updates posted here can be about new and beautiful things. ​Bless you.

Back To Top
Search